Why I don't hate Lebron.

America, I've had enough of your schadenfreude bullshit. It's time to stop basking in Miami's defeat and celebrating Lebron James's playoff ineptitude.
First of all, the majority of you are not even from Cleveland, so what exactly are you up in arms about? Since when is being loyal to your city the most important American value? Isn't the American dream all about having the freedom to follow your chosen path to success and prosperity? Let's face it, the Cleveland Cavaliers are absolutely nothing without Lebron, as the Onion hilariously pointed out in this article. Why is it his responsibility to put his shitty team and crappy city first and have his dreams of getting an NBA championship ring dashed year after year? I think he stuck around for far longer than he needed to. As far as I'm concerned, he doesn't owe Cleveland anything; he was lucky enough to be born talented and he worked hard to get where he is. It's his prerogative to take his talent wherever he sees fit.

Besides, can you really blame anyone for wanting to get out of Ohio? I mean, Hell is a local call from Cleveland.

And it's so pathetic and counterproductive for people to celebrate his failure. What do you think you're proving, exactly? If he lost in the playoffs and Cleveland won a title instead, then yes, I'd chalk that up to just desserts. But in case you missed it, Cleveland played terribly this season and proved what an incompetent team of nincompoops Lebron was forced to carry for 8 years.

I'm really embarrassed for Ohio and the fact that they celebrated the Heat's loss as their victory. I'm not even sure why all of this Ohio hate is directed toward Lebron. Remember Ben Roethlisberger? In addition to leaving Ohio to pursue his athletic dreams in an East Coast city, he was also accused of sexual assault by TWO DIFFERENT WOMEN, and is an all around despicable person. So why weren't there celebrations when the Steelers lost to the Green Bay Packers this year? Why weren't there hordes of Ohioans walking around wearing cheeseheads and promising to name their kid 'Aaron', in honor of Aaron Rodgers?

Here's a thought, Ohio: instead of blaming Lebron for the fact that your entire state is a cesspool without one single redeeming feature [and don't even try and convince me that the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame is worth noting], why not try making it more Miami-esque? Maybe that will encourage tourism and help attract big names. So, all you need to do is create a beach, have Will Smith write a hit song about Cleveland, and have Don Johnson star in a cop show called Cleveland Vice. Easy enough, right? No need to thank me, my advice is always free.