This is inspired by a commercial for George Clooney on
Inside the Actor's Studio. For a while now, some of Hollywood's most beloved actors have been falling off in many ways. Some are picking terrible movies. Some have personalities that just aren't cute anymore. Some, to me, have always been mediocre, annoying, or overrated. Let's just dive right in here:
George Clooney
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| "Hi, I'm George Clooney and I actually think I should be here. With the President of the United States. In a serious group conversation. He totally gives a fuck what I think." |
First, I would like to thank Clooney for inspiring this post. I must admit, it took me a little longer than usual to choose a picture of him to use because he is actually
quite beautiful. Too bad when I get past his gorgeousness (which, god damn it, gets better with age like a Roth IRA) all I can see is a smug bastard.
Michael Clayton is a phenomenal movie, but now he's pretty much just playing George Clooney. Aloof, clever, charming. That's his schtick. Whether he's down-and-out or totally successful, it's the same character. I pretty much tolerated him until I saw the video below. It reminded me of the scene in
Fantastic Mr. Fox-- another great film of his-- where he hijacks a toast being given by Bill Murray's Clive Beaver.
Like, Viola Davis is making a great point about why black women her age don't get many roles. Fassy seems genuinely interested, but oh no, Clooney hasn't spoken in ten seconds so he's itching. Hey Clooney, no one gives a fuck about your experience on
E.R. when we're talking about black actresses and the way they're cast (or, in this case, not cast) in films. People have pretty much forgotten you were on
E.R. since you don't have that stupid fucking Caesar haircut anymore. Moving on.
Tom Hanks
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| "Casting me in Extremely Loud and Incredibly Pretentious was actually a good fit for me, thanks!" |
Tom Hanks. Tom Hanks. This makes me sad. When did it all go so 'meh?' Maybe it was
The Ladykillers. Anyway, I find him ostentatious and the movies he's been in lately just seem like fillers.
The Da Vinci Code,
Larry Crowne; I didn't even bother to see
Angels and Demons because I mean, really. You know it's bad when I prefer Colin Hanks to Tom. Maybe Colin could do a remake of
Turner and Hootch or
Big. Those are remakes I could get behind.
Julia Roberts
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| "It's really important for me to open my mouth this wide, otherwise people won't know I'm laughing." |
Speaking of
Larry Crowne, I have to mention Julia Roberts. She hasn't been in much lately, it seems, which is kind of great for me. There's just something about her that I can't stomach. Maybe it's because she's a Scorpio and they're the worst. Even if her character in a movie is supposed to be likable and empowering or something, like in
Mona Lisa Smile, I just end up hating them. It's irrational, I know. But then again, maybe it's just Julia Roberts.
Leonardo DiCaprio
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| "Got a biopic for me?" |
He was amazing in
What's Eating Gilbert Grape. Actually, he's pretty amazing in everything, acting-wise. I think it's just that he's in
everything. When I found out he was going to play Jay Gatsby, I was a little upset. Next he's going to be in the new Tarantino movie,
Django Unchained (which, by the way, Idris Elba should be starring in instead of Jaime Foxx, but whatever) and he's going to play one of my favorite singers ever, Frank Sinatra! I'm like, get out of my face, DiCaprio!! We won't mention his serial model dating, which really can't be caused by any good feelings about women. I'm pretty sure that'll end up backfiring on him.
Anyway, let me stop hating. I can't hate on the big bills they get while simultaneously giving up, so more power to them.
